I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
You just made me feel so damn special
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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