so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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