woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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