You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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