In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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