i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
