it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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