Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize