I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
