I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
