hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
