Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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