Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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