i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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