some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
