just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize