So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
