becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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