I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
