In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
