Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
