Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
