Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
