I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
