Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
