ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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