I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
