went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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