Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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