I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
