If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize