Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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