dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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