Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
