I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
