forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Is Oprah even human
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
