I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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