you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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