He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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