I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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