My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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