Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
