You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
