it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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