FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
