he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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