On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
