I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Hippo gnu deer
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
