U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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