Old men and throwing up are my life now.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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