My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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