Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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