Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
