I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
