You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
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