he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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