went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She's the barista slut.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
