You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
