I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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