Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
