life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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