I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
This is the high leading the old right now
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
