It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
