I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Randomize
