Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
