i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize