I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
