i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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