Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
