Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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