dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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