What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
