Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
