the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
