Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
