my phone needs a breathalizer
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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