OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
