So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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