Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize