thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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