Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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