my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you told grandpa to call you daddy
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just had sex on a roof
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
