She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize